The Elevator Story

Flash Fiction by Oliver Cassidy



The distance from the building’s entrance to the elevators is roughly fifteen yards. An old woman with incredibly hair sprayed hair and a fur coat pressed the up button and waited. Then Don entered the building. Don works on twelve; he’s a graphic designer.

The doors opened with a ding and the old woman boarded. She faced out, glanced at Don approaching, then pressed the “doors close” button. Don decided not to run for it. He was a makeable distance away, but thought, whatever. He watched the doors close. When he reached the up button and pressed it, the woman’s elevator reopened. She stood still; didn’t make a sound, didn’t make eye contact. Don got on, uncomfortable.

On the ride up, Don thought of the Titanic. She’d be fine with watching people drown, he thought. Her sole concern would be the awful inconvenience. She got off on nine – he considered barking “have a nice day” at her back to see if she’d flinch. He thought, whatever. She ruined his morning, but he decided it’s best to forget such things as quickly as possible.

The Scenic Route to the Point

Plainspokenness by Victor Lembrey



I guess what I’m trying to say is I need to feel it. Not just think about it, but really feel it. Know what I mean? Like when you’re watching a comedy and something funny happens, and instead of simply laughing, you say, “that’s funny.” That’s not felt, know what I’m saying? You’re thinking too much; you’re too cerebral. You’re bottled up. Me? I need to feel it.

Okay, I just read the paragraph I wrote and I disagree. I’m not comfortable with feeling. It’s too raw, know what I mean? I’d rather focus on statistics, sports… that sort of stuff. I don’t need to feel it. Forget that.



What I do need to feel is Marilyn Monroe’s ghost on my visage. Pardon the frankness.

Our Oxymoron Brainstorm's Top 3

Meeting Notes from Kid Nougat



3. brilliantly retarded
2. biblical chimp
1. super rock hard cotton balls

The Rhetorical Answer

Lyrical Closure from Robert McEvily



Q:
What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?

A:
Yep.