Speaking French with Chez

An Interview by Ivy Dillinger



Do yourself a favor and get to know Chester Tam. He’s a Dude among Dudes, a talented actor and comedian, and addictive like Pringles. We all know he can chat, but can he speak French? Let’s find out…



IVY
Hey Chez, what's the deal with President Bush? Is he retarded?

CHEZ
The only way I can describe him is that kid, when you were growing up, who liked breaking other people's things and killing animals and then when he got caught, he just denied it even though everyone saw him do it. I just don't think he's outgrown that mentality.

IVY
Got it. Seen any cool movies lately?

CHEZ
Does Capote count as cool? If so, no, not Capote but the movie with the giant ape running around New York City. I forgot the name but that was awesome.

IVY
What month of the year has the dumbest name?

CHEZ
March...because it rhymes with starch and I would rather a month be named Starch.

IVY
If you could write yourself into the third season of Lost, who would you be? What would be your back story?

CHEZ
I don't watch Lost. But my back story would be that I was this undercover cop who was trying to bust this drug lord named Guapo and the only way I could get close to him was to become a drug fiend and pretend I was buying a large amount of drugs. Only to find out that it was all a practical joke and Guapo was actually just my good friend Steve. So, I've been going through heavy heroin withdrawl is where I would want my story to start on Lost.

IVY
Oscar Wilde once said, "I love acting. It is so much more real than life." Do you agree?

CHEZ
If Oscar Wilde is who I think he is, then no. I don't agree. Not because that statement isn't true but because O.W. owes me a twenty spot for dinner the other night and he acted like he didn't have any cash on him. But he did, cause when I saw him open his wallet to pay valet, he had like thirty singles in there. He's such a fucking cheap bastard.



IVY
Who in your opinion are the four hottest people in the world?

CHEZ
I'm not sure what you're getting at with that question, but I would say: Eva Mendes, Charlie Sheen, Lucy Liu and Ivy Dillinger.

IVY
I'm not sure what you're getting at with that answer, but I like it! Okay, now who makes you really, really laugh?

CHEZ
Anyone with a moustache.



GERALDO
Hey! That's not cool!