The Different Ways Men Handle It

Flash Fiction by Oliver Cassidy
Author of The Pride of Iceland



HEY MOTORISTS! the billboard screamed. CHECK IT OUT! PICTURES OF MY WIFE CHLOE FUCKING GARY LUCIEN, ESQ.!

The crude declaration was in a prime spot on the southbound side of the New Jersey Turnpike, high above exit 13A. Anyone on their way from the city to pick up some shelves or a sofa from IKEA could see it clearly. Under the stark black lettering was a giant web address painted in red on a stained bed sheet. The whole mess was up for close to two full days before the New Jersey Department of Transportation finally sent workmen to take it down.

"Makes me think," said one of the workmen as he loosened his belt, preparing to climb.

"Think?" said his buddy.

"You know, what I'd do if my wife stepped out or whatever."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Pretty funny."

"This?"

"Yeah."

"Mmm."

"Creative, huh?"

"Yep."

"Not so funny otherwise."

"Nah," said the buddy. He spit in a puddle and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

"You check out the site?"

"Not yet,” said the buddy. He glanced upward and memorized the web address. “Guy's been arrested I heard."

“Sucks, man. Goddamn lawyer shoulda been arrested."

They worked in silence from then on and removed everything. The patchwork billboard, the loosely-fastened sheet – took them just forty minutes. Afterward, during a lunch break, the first workman privately called Sam's Gun Shop in Bayonne and made some inquiries.