How To Win 11 Billion Dollars!

A "Story" by Maven Quibble



You just made a HUGE mistake! You started reading this story!

This story’s like potato chips – addictive. You can’t stop. After you read it the first time, you’ll read it again and again, trying desperately to figure out what makes it so compelling. It’s not just the explosive combination of the earth-shattering, financially-windfalling title with the irresistible image of Microsoft founder Bill Gates. It’s not just the hook of the first two sentences. It’s so much more!

Do you judge me for mentioning early on that there’s sex in this story? And do you hate me for imagining such a clever question? It literally sprang to mind as I wrote it. Flawless ideas flood my brain like rainwater during the days of Noah’s Ark. ZAMMO! How much do you hate me for THAT sentence?

You can’t stop reading, can you? But now you’re thinking, this story’s stupid. It had me for a moment, but now it’s just plain stupid. Noah’s Ark? Stop. Plus, it’s not even a story. Yet you read on, don’t you? You can’t stop reading. I command your mind like Haagen controls Daaz! Read on, be-atch!



Here’s the sex part: her big boobs bounced into his face and he loved it! His thing was gigantic and it made her cry out with joy!

Horny, no?

Now you’re SO close to stopping. You’d like nothing more than to stop reading this “story.” But… the ending. How will it end? Will I actually find out how to win eleven billion dollars? Is there more sex? How can you stop reading without finding out how this “story” ends? You CAN’T, that’s how! I’ve got you! I’m making you read! You HATE this “story,” you think it totally sucks, you hate how suddenly, annoyingly, and purposefully I keep putting “story” in quotation marks, you hate my boneheaded use of adverbs, yet you continue! This “story” is like a mind-altering drug-goat anthropomorphized into a miniature purple blob creature gorging itself on your frontal lobe!



And now, more sex! And in BOLD! Their sweaty bodies spanked together like wet hams and made unintentional farting sounds of ecstasy! ZAMMO! Try not to touch yourself!



Were you careful? Have you read every word? Did you read between the lines? If so, you’re well on your way to winning the money. If not, don’t be a mooncalf! Change your life! Start all over again and find out how to win eleven billion dollars!