The Back of Bock's Hand

Stenography by Maven Quibble



(The scene is a courtroom. We’re in the middle of a high-profile murder case. Everyone’s paying very close attention to the following exchange…)

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Mr. Bock, isn’t it true?

BOCK
True? I don’t understand.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Isn’t it true, Mr. Bock, that you testified… testified to knowing the alley behind Angelo’s Pizzeria… “like the back of your hand?”

BOCK
Yeah, I said that. I do.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
You do know the alley.

BOCK
Yeah.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Behind Angelo’s Pizzeria.

BOCK
Yeah.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Like the back of your hand.

BOCK
Yes.

(The defense attorney pauses, then takes a slow stroll toward the jury.)

DEFENSE ATTORNEY (without looking at Bock)
Mr. Bock, what’s that on the back of your left hand?

BOCK
The back of my hand?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Your left hand, yes. There’s something blue on it.

BOCK (glancing at his left hand)
What the?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
You seem surprised. Are you surprised?

BOCK
I don’t know what that is.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
It’s a temporary Smurf tattoo.

BOCK
Smurf tattoo?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Precisely, Mr. Bock. And you didn’t know it was there.

BOCK
I didn’t put it there.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Not the point, Mr. Bock. You say you know the alley behind Angelo’s Pizzeria like the back of your hand, yet you don’t know what’s on the back of your hand.

BOCK
I do too know the alley! And the back of my hand! What’s with the Smurf talk? This is crazy!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
You, sir, are a liar, a punk, and a dum-dum.

(The entire jury stands and applauds.)