The Farm

Flash Fiction by Oliver Cassidy
Author of Blood Drive



I’m pleased to welcome you to the farm. It’s a special farm. You’ll love it.

We don’t have animals on this farm. We’ve got lazy people between the ages of eighteen and forty. They graze all day and whine. We feed them pudding and cheese. You can feed them anything you want. They’ll probably eat most of it.

You can take video and shoot pictures, no problem. They’ll mug for your cameras, do silly things, occasionally something offensive or obscene. We’d like to say they don’t know any better, but they do! Can you believe it? We stopped being embarrassed a long time ago.

Sometimes they throw things, stuff they find on the farm. Stuff left behind by visitors, mostly. Bottles, cans, batteries, etc. You may want to wear one of our protective helmets. Free of charge, no problem. Keep in mind that we’re not responsible if you’re injured.

Everyone on the farm is here by choice. You’ll notice we have no barriers - no fences, no walls, nothing. Anyone can leave at any time. Yet, amazingly, all stay, grazing and whining and eating pudding and cheese.

Enjoy your visit.