Bashing Bosch

Art Criticism by Victor Lembrey



During the course of tracing my family's lineage (a hobby I've been pursuing lately with great fervor), I discovered something disturbing. Something that REALLY angered me. It turns out that 500 years ago, the Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch referred to my great great great great great great great great grandfather as a "dillweed." If you're not familiar with Bosch, he's basically considered one of the greatest medieval painters of all time. He's now considered by ME as one of the greatest punk-asses of all time. And after five centuries, it's finally time for some payback...



Okay, do we really need to see this? Mr. "Great Painter" called it "The Operation," and it's basically a dude in a Tin Man hat stabbing some guy with a needle or something, while some guy off-canvas tries to get his hand in there. Something tells me this operation wasn't successful. Who would paint something like this? A psycho named BOSCH, that's who! Take THAT, you Dutch freak!



Yeah, great work. Suitable for framing. Thanks for giving mankind NIGHTMARES forever and ever! Even Jesus would punch you in the face if He saw this! And did you really need to put all your RELATIVES in it! ZING! Take THAT, you Dutch dillweed! Yeah, that's right - I said dillweed! ZAMMO! And by the way, what kind of name is "Hieronymus," anyway? It's SO dillweed! HAHAHAHA! Ca-CHING!

(For you, my friend.)



Anthoniszoon Lembrey
1455-1518