The Road to Awesome

Meandering by Kid Nougat
WASAW Member and Lover Extraordinaire



Greetings, Loyal Beaver Dam French Club Readers! It's ME! The incredible edible Kid Nougat, coming at you RIGHT NOW (live!) here on January 11th, here from my incredibly expensive Manhattan penthouse, to give you the straight-up dope on last night's premiere of The Bachelorette. (I checked it out on my incredibly expensive flat plasma screen TV - don't hate me because I'm beautiful.)

Naturally, you all know me as a Snacking God, a professional connoisseur of all things tasty (and through the years, I've grown comfortable with your adulation, so thanks, and KEEP IT UP), but - no surprise - I refuse to be pigeonholed. I'm a man of many talents. I can hold my breath underwater for 18 seconds and my grandmother refers to me as "a dancer to be reckoned with." But I digress. We ALREADY KNOW I'm stupendous. I'm here to rap about The Bachelorette. So here goes...



Did you see that dude faint? What the hell was THAT? And what was up with that French guy with the attitude? And how annoying were the "friends" posing as "waitresses?" And how stupid was that guy who was actually flirting with the waitresses? And how played out is it when the host insists on coming up to the Bachelorette and saying, "Just one rose left." Gee, thanks host! I didn't realize that! Thanks for the reminder! And what was with that guy who carried her downstairs? And why do they always have one black bachelor who has no chance of winning, yet is always given one rose so the Bachelorette can save face and not seem racist? And - completely off topic - what was with Randy Johnson bitchslapping a reporter yesterday? And - further off topic - boy, do I love juice! I'm talkin' 'bout freshly squeezed OJ, baby!



The lovely Ms. Nougat got me one of those old-fashioned squeezer thingies for Christmas - one of those orange and lemon and lime and grapefruit squashers - and I've been on a juicing rampage ever since! Take it from the Kid, ain't nothin' like a glass of freshly squeezed juice to start your day! I have my maid make me a glass every day. Here's my maid...



Does it bother you that I have a maid? It shoudn't. I deserve a maid. I'm bombastically smart. I can't be wasting precious time with day-to-day chores and worrying about what outfit to wear and how much juice to drink and stuff. That's for YOU to worry about. Me? I'M AWESOME!