The Winning Entry

Contest News from Ivy Dillinger
Director of Publicity, BDFC



Hi Everyone. Please enjoy this year's winning entry in the St. Patrick's Day Flash Fiction Contest (where all contestants were required to write for 15 consecutive minutes after drinking three consecutive cans of Guinness):

The Flying Warehouse
by Maven Quibble



Some guy called Diablo showed up and told us he was in charge. Nobody knew what the hell on God's green earth he was talking about. Ring Ding said, “In charge? In charge of what?” Then Styles chimed in with a cruel smack-down: “You smell like crap times seven. Beat it.” Styles is pretty direct.

An hour later, Diablo showed up again and re-insisted he was in charge. This time he was wearing a hat that said I'M IN CHARGE. “You is nuts,” said Gwendolyn, a hedge fund trader from Antarctica. She ran away. Styles made another smell joke. Then things got weird.

Have you ever seen one of those giant warehouse buildings? Like the ones you see in towns like Everett when you're driving across Pennsylvania? Where they make cookies or pots or lamps and stuff? Imagine one of those buildings, then imagine it falling out of the sky and landing right on top of Mr. Tootie. Splat! No more Mr. Tootie.

Styles nearly lost him mind. “What that fuck?” He started hopping back and forth like he had to go to the bathroom. “Did you see that? That warehouse just fell out of nowheres and killed Mr. Tootie! What the hell are we gonna do NOW?”

Diablo told us to relax because he was in charge.

“You ain't is being in charge of nowheres,” said Gwendolyn. She started using her hula-hoop.

“Wait a minute,” said Styles. He pointed at Gwendolyn. “Didn't you just run away? Like… just now?”

“Maybe she's in on it,” said Ring Ding. “Don't y'all think it's weird she just magically shows up again at the very same instant a mysterious warehouse falls from the sky and kills Mr. Tootie?”

We all thought about that for a moment.

“That is weird,” I said.

Gwendolyn ran away again. Then a giant belch killed North America and that was that.



Happy St. Patrick's Day!