It's All "About Me"

Drive-By Shootings by Victor Lembrey
Roving Reporter and Author of Spatial Relations



As a natural born pain-in-the-ass, I'm conditioned to mercilessly goof on others from a safe distance. It's who I am. It's what I do. And - separate topic - as a member of the Beaver Dam French Club, I get questioned on a near regular basis about Ivy Dillinger. "Are those pictures really her?" "Is that really what she looks like?" "Is she really a model?" The answer's yes on all counts. She keeps her private life pretty private though, so that's all I'll say. As you can see, there's nothing substantial revealed in her "About Me" write-up - I've no choice but to let her photos speak for themselves. Feel free to use your imagination and draw your own conclusions about the inner workings of the mind of Ms. Dillinger. I'll follow suit. Sort of. See, I know Ivy, personally and professionally, so... I won't goof on her. Based on other photos - pictures of complete strangers - I'll use my imagination and be who I am and draw my own conclusions and do what I do. I'll scratch my goofy itch and write an infinitely more accurate "About Me" for each of the following randomly-selected Bloggers...

Okay, here I go...


Varun Chatterji
I am a final year student at the National University of Singapore. I was born in a wonderful place called Lucknow in India and attended high school at the glorious La Martiniere College. I enjoy contrasting huge sideburns with tiny photos.


Mae Feshuang
I'm a interior designer from Guayaquil, Ecuador. I love animation and illustrations. I'm so much cooler than you it's ridiculous. Seriously, why do you even bother getting up in the morning?


Jonny Bardo
My name is Jonny. I don't need to put no "h" in Jonny. I killed the "h." Please send me an email so I can kill you too. And I'm a Virgo.


Christian Ispir
Greetings. Do you feel the Christian effect? Keep looking into my eyes. You'll feel it. And once you feel it, maybe we can go out for a soda or something? I like hockey and Trivial Pursuit.


E
What up, bizzotch? It's me, E. I'm all about chillin' and whatnot. Let's become friends so I can work my parasitic magic on you. Peace.


susan
Hello Darling, I'm Susan. I am way into Press-On Nails like you wouldn't believe. Would you like to meet and marry my son Ronald?


Bryan Hobbs
Me Bryan. Me athletic. Me drunk.


flowerful
I don't have any idea about who I am, I just know I like to get my confusion right up in your face. I enjoy eggs and cuteness. I love writing about going to the store and doing my laundry. You know, all that cool stuff that keeps you coming back for more.