Hot Vote Gets Stomped

Election Coverage by Victor Lembrey
Assignment Reporter, BDFC



Typical Kerry Voter



Typical Bush Voter

It was proved beyond a reasonable doubt yesterday that the country contains far more non-hot voters than hot.

"Voter turnout was historic," said Dempsey Randolph, a spokesperson for the web journal Useless Opinions. "But I figured, in an effort to seem hip and down with the whole P. Diddy thing - the 'Vote or Die' stuff - it'd be mostly young, hot, brainless, sheep-like wanna-be models voting for Kerry, not intellectually robotic, gelatinous nincompoops voting for Bush."

When reached for comment, former Vice President Al Gore said, "Wait... Shaq's with Miami?"