A Decade Later

An Unearthing by Robert McEvily



I found an old notebook recently. Lots of sketches and story ideas and notes and stuff. I had a section for dreams; I actually described every dream I had in May and June of 1994. Here's what I wrote for May 7th:

Sexual images and the sense of how easy it is to succumb. What's right and wrong goes right out the window.

I feel great pain when I see a boy - a boy I perceive to be my future son. A handsome and talented boy who I don't even know; I don't know anything about him. I can tell he's personable and talented. He plays with a dog. I wonder when his birthday is. He's a handsomer version of myself. I wonder who his mother is. I see a woman who looks as if she could be his mother. Do I know her? Will I meet her? I wonder what happened.

Why am I estranged from my family?

How easy it is to become something you hate.

That last line gets me. I wonder what I meant.

I still don't have a son. I wonder what the future holds. Don't we all?