Insulting the Nine Twenty-Niners

Aggressive, Misdirected Abuse by Kid Nougat



In honor of September 29th (which, for all you knuckleheads out there, is today), I've decided to trash a bunch of people who share this date as their birthday. So let's roll and talk some smack!



Wow, Anita Ekberg! Well, well, well. You think you're so attractive with your curvy-curves and your massive boobs and whatnot. Right? Right? Well, guess what? You're 73! Seventy-three! Let's see you shake your groove thing now, Granny! YUCK!



Well, lookie here! Mr. Ian McShane! Remember when you played Judas in Jesus of Nazareth and you sold out the Son of God for some silver? Still feelin' happy about that decision? You better pray you don't cross paths with the Kid. I will punch you right in the nose! WHAM! And then I'll punch you AGAIN! Happy 62nd, you two-faced bastard!



Whoa! If it isn't Natasha Gregson Wagner, little miss "I'm Natalie Wood's daughter." I bet you think you're so cool there hugging Robert Downey, Jr., huh? I bet Heather Graham wants to PUNCH YOU OUT! Why don't you make like your mom and jump off a boat! 34 years of riding your parents' coattails is long enough!



Holy crap, it's Drake Hogestyn - John Black from Days of Our Lives! Dude, at 51, it's time to start dressing your age, know what I'm sayin'? Enough with the "top three buttons unbuttoned" thing. And learn how to act already! Jeeze!



Bryant Gumbel, you smug dickhead! With your ego, 56 has GOTTA hurt! You're zoomin' toward 60! Not so cool now, are you? Are you? What? You won't answer me? See? You are SUCH a smug dickhead! And your name sounds like "gum ball." Chew on THAT!



Dice Clay? Are you kidding me? Are you still alive? It says here you're 46. Well... whatever. Happy Birthday. I always thought you were pretty funny. Just misunderstood.

Aren't we all?